The faculty of making stupid discoveries by accident. The name of my first Fantasy Football Team. Neither of which have anything to do with this blog. I just like the word. Deal with it !!!!!!
It had to happen sooner or later
Today I started on a new path. I made a call to the Community Care Access Centre. It will be a case worker from the CCAC that will start the paperwork to get me some help around here. Maybe someone who can come in a couple of hours a week so I can get out and not be afraid of what will happen when I am gone. This afternoon I headed out to do some shopping – not Nancy shopping but shopping for mom and dad. I find shopping with them too stressful and well, slow. I can be in and out of the grocery store in 20 minutes tops and thats with a full cart of groceries when I am alone. Throw them into the mix and we are looking at an hour easy. And most days I don’t have an extra hour to be out and about. I have always wondered what stay at home moms do all day. I could never understand it – I was never one so the concept was a little foreign to me. However, after over a year with mom and dad I can fully understand what stay at home moms do. Between trying to entertain and feed them, break up their petty arguments, settle the stupid disputes and keep peace in the family there is not alot of time to do much else. Additionally there is trying to keep their bathroom clean, which, these days is a full time job in itself, laundry, and meal prep.
Anyhow, this morning I went grocery shopping. Didn’t need a whole lot but ended up with more than I had on my list – what else is new??? I picked up some bannanas – we were down to one and I try to keep fresh fruit here at all times – it saves on the cookie consumption. I think there was about 7 or 8 in the bunch I grabbed. Brought them home, set them out in the fruit bowl with apples and oranges and then went about my day. Mom was still sleeping when I left – a normal occurance now. If we don’t get her up then she is in bed till around 2:00 – 3:00. When I got home I was a little dismayed to say the least. There was 1 bannana left in the bowl. So I went on a search mission. Don’t misunderstand – I would never begrudge my parents food. My problem is that I would rather they eat it then me find it next week somewhere hidden and smelling…I buy it so they CAN eat it – but mom has this habit of squirreling away stuff and you never know where you are going to find something from last week’s dinner or lunch. When we first started this journey she carried a purse. We had to give that up because she kept losing it. The problem wasn’t the purse it was to time consuming to have to replace her ID every week so we got rid of the purse. Anyone who has ever had to deal with government agencies will understand when I remark about the total inefficiency of said government agency. If you lose your OHIP card be ready for the Grand Inquisition in addition to having to produce other pieces of ID. Ummm…she lost her purse all the ID was in the purse. If we had the purse we would have the damn OHIP card now wouldn’t we. Zippy the Wonderslug and Zippy’s family who have cornered the market on plum Government jobs have no clue as to why replacing ID is such a big deal.
But I digress…
Upon finding said bannana peels in the garbage I felt better about them – however there was the pill issue. Every morning I place mom and dad’s pill packets on the table at their seats at the table. Dad has his when we have breakfast together. Mom’s sit there waiting until either she gets up or I take them in to her, wake her and wait while she takes them. Today I left hem on the table. I come home and the pills are gone – but so are her morning pills for tomorrow morning. I am back to hiding the pills.
So late this afternoon I took the plunge and called the CCAC. A intake worker called around 7:30 tonight, took all the pertinent info and said a case worker would call within the next couple of days. We will have to wait and see what happens from here out. Will I chicken out re putting mom (and possibily dad too) on a waiting list for long term care? Who knows? I would imagine it will depend on my mood when the case worker calls. All I know is that it is getting progressivly more and more difficult to try and take care of them on my own, I need help, I need a break. I am getting to the point of burnout and I know that if I get to that point then I will be ineffective at best and perhaps something other than I want to be to them. I can’t be a caregiver when I need caregiving myself.
It has taken me a long time to admit that I need help. I thought I could do this and I was wrong. I can do most of it, not all of it and it is time to rely on some outside help.