The faculty of making stupid discoveries by accident. The name of my first Fantasy Football Team. Neither of which have anything to do with this blog. I just like the word. Deal with it !!!!!!

For just one day…

I would like to be normal.  You know – the kind of normal that everyone else gets to be.

I want my food to stay down – if it goes down.  I want to sleep curled up with my pillow like I used to instead of sitting up so I don’t choke to death.

I want to be able to run up the stairs without feeling like someone punched me in the stomach.

I want to be able to actually wear the new clothes I bought without alterations.

I would like my left leg to do what I want it to do, not what it wants to do.

I want my right arm to work, to be able to write so I can understand what I wrote, lift anything without pain, raise it above my head in the shower so I can wash my hair with two hands not one.

I want to be not tired.  To actually get some sleep for more than an hour or so at a time.

I want …

I want to be normal again, just for one day.


4 responses to “For just one day…

  1. Maggie April 16, 2009 at 1:40 pm

    Not even sure how to comment. Sorry I have not been writing a lot but I have been reading, I am a bit on the pity pot. but I think I deserve to be. will reach you soon.

    Love to you Maggie

  2. Latane April 19, 2009 at 7:42 am

    Did I miss something? Is something new going on? You have enough on your plate as it is. I wish you the very best and a heck of a lot of rest, when you can get it. Glad you are getting out… I had to laugh at you coming home early from your first day out. Aren’t we something? ha ha. But, you so need some time alone.

    Right now I am in a tither, dither, whatever the word is… Got a call Friday late afternoon that they have a private room at a nursing home nearby. Now, to get the doctor to find a cause to admit him into the hospital for the required time. That may not work. E’s as healthy as a horse… But, after nearly 10 years of caring for him and 11 of caring for my Mom (at different times) I am sooooo ready. I didn’t think I could do it but yes, I am ready.

  3. serendopeity April 19, 2009 at 6:34 pm

    LOL Latane – no you didn’t miss anything. I was having a poor pitiful me day. My food wasn’t staying down and I was just sick of having all the left over side effects from cancer. I get very envious of everyone who have survived and went back to their “normal” lives and routines. I have no normal anymore LOL. Everyday it is something else. I would never take anything away from anyone who has survived cancer or any other disease – like I said I just get envious.

    I truly understand what you are saying about being ready. I never thought I would be either but I am afraid that I see so much change in mom on a daily basis that I don’t think it will be much longer before I am faced with the same decision. I don’t mean next week or next month, but I am sure that at this time next year she won’t be living here. It is a hard thing to face – but always remember that you did the best you could. Being a caregiver is not easy and is one of the most selfless things anyone can ever do. Out hearts are in the right place but sometimes our heads are not. 21 years is a long time – too long. you need to have a life too. I am learning that now. I never in a million years thought this would be my life at 48…but then again I always thought I would have a heart attack and die before I ever got cancer LOL.
    Have a good week – talk to you soon

  4. serendopeity April 19, 2009 at 6:35 pm

    Thanks Maggie – I understand – I was having my own pity party that day. LOL. Food not staying down, arm killing me – just tired of the whole damn thing.
    Hope you are feeling better.

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