The faculty of making stupid discoveries by accident. The name of my first Fantasy Football Team. Neither of which have anything to do with this blog. I just like the word. Deal with it !!!!!!

Monthly Archives: September 2009

Rest in Peace Patrick.

Not tragic to die doing what you love. You want the ultimate thrill, you gotta be willing to pay the ultimate price. BOHDI, POINT BREAK

You just put your pickle on everybody’s plate, college boy, and leave the hard stuff to me. JOHNNY CASTLE, DIRTY DANCING

 Nobody puts Baby in a corner. JOHNNY CASTLE, DIRTY DANCING

Pain don’t hurt. DALTON, ROADHOUSE


Patrick Swayze

Patrick Swayze

                                             RIP: Patrick Swayze 1952 – 2009


Where did it go????

My cynical, sarcastic self is rearing her ugly head these days and when she does there is not any particularily safe distance from here.  Since I have no “real life” to speak of in this one horse town I get most of my “news” online.  I do not spend a lot of time surfing the web per se – instead I read certain sites only and today there was a little blurb about Jade Goody.  If you know who Jade is, ok – if not read on.

Back in March (March 15, 2009) I wrote a blog entry tittled “What would you do for 15 minutes of fame?”  This is a quote from that entry:

“And last but not least, we have Jade Goody.  Jade was a Big Brother contestant in the UK and in India.  While on the India show making her mark as a racist,  she was diagnosed with cervical cancer.  Please do not misunderstand – I am so sorry that she is in the last stages of her life.  However, letting TV cameras record it all is just way beyond my scope of comprehension.  She was married on TV a couple of weeks ago, and now the cameras are recording her final days. Jade says she is doing this so that her sons will have a better life with the money she is being paid.  Sorry Jade, in my opinion that is a piss poor excuse for letting the world invade your privacy and watch you die.  Yes, I have said it.  You are dying Jade and instead of letting your boys have quality time with whatever time you have left you have instead initiated something they will have to live with for the rest of their lives – money or not!”

Jade has since passed away.  I was peeved to think that she would put her two sons through having to relive her final dying days – I do not believe that any amount of money would be worth it.  However, I did understand that she wanted to raise enough money for her boys to get an excellent education through private schools and part of her reasoning for selling the rights to her “death” were to fund that education.  Jade herself came from a spotted background and she was a mother trying to right by her children.  As I said, I thought her capitalizing on her pending death was wrong, but to each their own.

Today I read an article that reported that Jade managed to spend her way through most of the money before she died. You can read the article here but in a nutshell what was estimated to be an amount in the area of British Pounds $6million (at today’s exchange rate that would be approx $9.9million US or approx $10.7million Canadian) whittled itself down to a mere British Pounds $800,000 (or $1.32 million US or $1.42 million Canadian.

Of this amount $300,000 (approx $497,000 US or approx $535,000 Canadian) is owed in back taxes, leaving a paltry $500,000 (approx $827,000 US or $892,000 Canadian) in the pot.  The estimated amount for the boy’s education is $600,000 (approx $993,000 US or approx $1.07 million Canadian). It is hoped that the royalties from her book “Catch a Falling Star” will make up the difference required. So after all she went through and put her boys through to enable them to have a decent life after her death, there is a shortfall in the amount needed to cover their education , not to mention general day to day living expenses and all that other “fun stuff” that comes with just trying to survive life!!!!! 

I’m sorry – I am truly sorry that cancer took her life.  She was a young woman with two children and no matter who you are or what you have done in your life no one deserves to die from any disease, let alone cancer.  As a cancer survivor myself I can still only imagine the hell that Jade went through.  But that does not excuse the fact that she used her death for monetary gain.  Yes, her reasoning was noble and yes she did it for her children but how in the world did she manage to spend all of that money while she was dying.  The British Health Care system is somewhat like the Canadian so her medical expenses, treatments etc would be for the most part covered and paid for.  And as a cancer survivor I know first hand that there are other expenses that are not paid for (living expenses that do not stop just because you are ill.)  But to the tune of  British Pounds $5,920,000 ?????  (approx $9.77million US or approx $10.5 milion Canadian).  Even I could not spend that kind of money in that short a period of time. (However, there might be one or two people who would debate that remark).

Somewhere in all of this there is a need for someone to step up to the plate and find out where the money went.  If for no other reason, there is a 6 year old and a 4 year old that no longer have a mom who so obviously loved them more than anything in the world.  Someone needs to be accountable. 

In the grand scheme of things this is really none of my business and I should probably keep my mouth shut.  I am by no means perfect or even close to it, I know this.  However Jade Goody invited us (the rest of the world) into her life.  Whether I liked her or not, there is still the issue of the two boys and that’s where my anger lies.  Children have enough to deal with in this day and age.  They do not need to have extra piled on their plate because mom needed her 15 minutes of fame. And with that I am going to shut up – going on would just lead to other issues I have with the world today and it’s just not worth it~

Under The Influence

Over the last month I have undergone my annual check ups following my treatments for Esophageal Cancer. I am happy to report that all is great!  My CAT scan was normal, no evidence of disease.  My gastroscope looked fine.  For 5 years out I am part of a miracle – I survived the second most deadly cancer out there and by the look of it, I will be lucky enough to celebrate my 6th Anniversary next year. That may be putting the cart before the horse however, the enthusiasm I get from my doctor’s gives me hope that I have beaten the “Beast” and will continue to do so.  But I will admit that there will always be that little voice in the back of my head saying that sooner or later it will return.  Pessimistic – no, not really.  I prefer to think I am realistic.  EC has a nasty habit of returning, more so than any other  cancer so I would rather think that it might return rather than be totally shocked if it does.  If nothing else I have learned that nothing is impossible.

I have had many scopes – I lost count after a while.  I was having them every 3 months at one time.  It was always the same thing:  appointment booked for first thing in the morning, usually the first or second patient of the day.  In by 7:00 am out by 9:30 am, no worse for wear.  Grab something to eat on the way home, usually Burger King French Toast and at least a good cup of coffee.  By the time I got home, I was ready for the day – no need to sleep or rest; I was fine.  I was never groggy or disoriented from the sedative I had been given for the scope.  In fact, I could never understand why I was not allowed to leave the hospital on my own.  No, I had to be wheeled out to a waiting vehile after signing a waiver that I would not be left alone for 24 hours and I would not drive a car.  Ya, whatever!!!!  For a time when Jeff and I were still together he would drop me off at the hospital, come get me when I was done and then I would get my car at his place and go home.  No big deal!

But, that was then and this is now.  I have no recollection of the things I was told today I did after the scope.  In fact, when Sue told me I was a little surprised of my actions.  Ok, not really surprised, I did manage to burst out laughing while trying to drive the car.

Apparently, and this is the story Sue is sticking to, after my scope they let her in to sit with me.  Gastro Guy came in and said everything was ok – see ya next year (if I thought I needed a scope at that time).  I then took off the blood pressure cuff and out it on Sue’s arm…I also removed the monitor from my finger that recorded my breathing.  And all the while I was laughing my head off.  Sue quickly removed the BP cuff from her arm and put it back on me, just in time too because Nurse Ratchet came in and gave me hell because they needed to “record” my vitals before they would let me leave. Of course I laughed at her too!!!  I haven’t heard from Gastro Guy’s office that I have been “banned” from the Day Surgery unit at the hospital and I probably won’t but I think my reputation as a “model patient” has now come to an end.

BUT, I do have a defence…

It has only been in the last year that I have been taking meds to control the residual pain that I have from my surgery and subsequent chemoradiation. My upper right side (mostly right arm) is in constant pain.  This, I had explained to me is because when the thorocotomy portion of my surgery was performed there were many lymph nodes removed from that part of my body.  Lymph nodes provide a type of filtration system and drainage system for  the lymphatic system.  The fluid that would normally accumulate in those nodes has nowhere to go and thus does not drain properly.  This is an after effect that affects many Breast Cancer Surgery patients also.  Combined with the loss of the lymph nodes, the nerve paths that were severed by the thorocotomy and the general area in which all this occured it is unlikely that I will ever regain the strength or agility that I once had.  Additionally the pain will likely lessen overtime and become more managable without pain medication but that remains to be seen.  So, for the time being I take medication to control the pain.  During the day I take ibruprophen  (Advil, Motrin etc), however by the end of the day I am tired and the ibruprophen just doesn’t do the trick so I take Demerol to kill the pain and hope for a peaceful nights sleep.  Sometimes it works, and sometimes I take an extra Demerol just so I can get an hour or two of shut eye. (Extra as in 3 instead of 2 every 4 hours).  Originally, I refused to take the pain meds, but then I learned that if you do not control your pain, it will control you!  Add in the back pain from the radiation  and the overall pain every where else from the surgery and some days I was ready to pack it in and give up.  After speaking with my surgeons and oncologists and getting the “You will not become addicted if you have real pain” speech I agreed to take the meds. (And the pain is real.  I don’t always let on about how much pain I am really in – it seems pointless, there is nothing anyone can do so why dwell on it.  Some days it is bad enough that lifting my purse is almost impossible – and believe me my purse is not as heavy as it once was – I have learned to scale down on what I carry on a daily basis. It is also the type of pain that, at times, catches me totally by surprise, causing me to drop whatever I have in my hand or arm.  This is not a good thing if I am carrying groceries – there are many times when I return home with scrambled eggs in the grocery bag.)  It took a while to figure out which ones worked the best.  Morphine did nothing but make me tired and want to sleep. It did not get rid of the pain.  And since it was a very low dose I didn’t even get the benefit of the “Still got the pain but don’t care” morphine “high”.  I have a nasty reaction to Codeine so that was out.  After some trials and tribulations my Dr. went with the Demerol and I have been taking that since.

The night before my scope I could not injest anything after midnight.  I took my meds around 10:00 which is  earlier than usual.  I had nothing to eat after the pills which meant they were taken on an empty stomach and in the morning I had nothing to eat before heading to the hospital at 8:45am.

For the scope I am given a cocktail of Versed and Demerol. When the scope is completed I have no recollection of it but as I said I am usually wide awake, alert and able to drive.  For what ever reason, that was not the case this time.  Not only do I not remember the hospital shenanigans, when I did finally get home I was ok for about 10 minutes and then felt very ill and went to lie down.  It was almost 4 hours before I got up.

So I have learned my lesson – from here out I will follow instructions to the nth degree and not complain that I cannot leave the hospital under my own “steam”.  I will stop being adamant that I can walk out, I will accept the wheelchair ride with grace and say thank you when I get out the door.  I will accept the ride home with gratitude and will no longer be a “pain in the butt” to whomever is giving me said ride home.  I will take a nap when I get home whether I need it or not.  I will become the wimp that I have always said I am not!!!!!

It’s really burns my butt that I have to concede this defeat.  But I will and I will do so quietly… NOT!!!!!!!!!!!


Have a safe and fun Labour Day Weekend.