The faculty of making stupid discoveries by accident. The name of my first Fantasy Football Team. Neither of which have anything to do with this blog. I just like the word. Deal with it !!!!!!
Category Archives: Laughter as a form of Self-Medication
To Be 6 AGain…
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.
‘I’d like to be six again’, she replied, still looking in the mirror .
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure!
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, ‘Well Dear, what was it like being six again?’
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
‘I meant my dress size, you jerk!!!!’
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
Happy Memorial Day Weekend to all my US friends (and enemies). Please take a minute to remember what this weekend is for and say Thank You to anyone you meet who served or is serving your country!Nancy
A missing box of donuts.
Farley, the Bernese Mountain Dog; Bosco, the Chocolate Lab and Maggie, the – well we are not real sure of her parentage, but she is cute.
Farley belongs to a friend and we were “dog sitting” for the weekend. On Sunday afternoon I took mom and dad out for a drive and to pick up some groceries. I placed the box of donuts in the centre of the dining room table, sitting on top of something which put it a good 9 – 15 inches above the surface of the table. I also strategically placed the chairs around the table so access to the donuts was limited to say the least.
Upon returning home, the first thing I saw when we walked into the dining room was a torn up box on the floor. There was also a smear of blueberry filling across the floor. Farley was nowhere to be seen, hiding upstairs. Bosco was trying to suck the last bit of grease out of a piece of the cardboard box. Maggie, meanwhile was lurking in the background…
After some forensic investigation and DNA testing on the torn box pieces it can now be revealed that it was Farley who was the main culprit in this case. It would also seem as though Maggie didn’t get any of the donuts – she is pretty little and was in all likelihood totally shut out from participating in the pig out.
Also, after interviewing some friends of Farley’s it would seem that she has a thing for donuts and can smell them out a mile away. So it is my conclusion that the Case of the Missing Donuts has now been successfully solved.
Now if I could only find my shoes…
Me: Good Morning Mom. How are you today?
Mom: Just peachy. What’s for breakfast?
Me: What would you like? Toast, crumpets, cereal. Name it, we probably have it.
Mom: Oh yes, that sounds good.
Me: Hey mom, where’s your glasses?
Mom: Right where I left them, where I always leave them. I’ll go get them.
(5 minutes later)
Me: Did you find your glasses?
Mom: No. I don’t believe this place.
Me: Those darn dogs have been at it again have they? I will have to talk to them. They are always putting your stuff away where we can’t find it.
Mom: Don’t be stupid. The dogs can’t reach the dresser drawer, even I know that. Someone must have took them in the night.
Me: Oh ya, that’s it. Someone came into the house last night while we were all asleep and out of all the stuff in here, some of it worth a lot of money, the only thing that was taken was your glasses.
Mom: What’s for breakfast this morning? I am famished.
Mom: Is there any coffee left?
Me: Yep, its in the coffee machine in the kitchen.
Mom: Finish your breakfast, I’ll get some.
Me: Do you remember how to use the coffee machine? (note – The coffee machine we have has no pot. It’s a Brew Station whereby you press the mug against the bar and the coffee comes out.)
Mom: Do you think I am stupid? Of course I know how to use the coffee machine. I wasn’t born yesterday.
(Mom goes into kitchen – returns emptyhanded).
Me: Would you like me to get you a cup of coffee?
Mom: No, I couldn’t eat or drink another thing, I’m full. I think I will have one of those things.
Me: What things mom? Can I get you something?
Mom: I said I would have one of those.
Me: One of what?
Mom: You know, one of those doodad things.
Me: Let me get you a coffee Mom.
Mom: Thank you, that would be great. I never pass up a cup of coffee.
Mom: The dogs are on the bed.
Mom: I am just telling you. I just made the bed and they jumped up. That little guy sure can jump high. The big brown one must be getting old. How long have you had him?
Me: 6 years in September.
Mom: I thought he was older than that.
Me: He is 7, I got him when he was a year and a half old.
Mom: I remember when he was just a pup and would jump up on my lap.
Me: (laughing) He was a little bit bigger than a pup when I got him mom. He already weighed 75 pounds.
Mom: Well you should stop feeding him. He is getting too big and I don’t think a puppy should be that big. What does the doctor say?
Me: The vet says that you shouldn’t give him part of your breakfast every morning.
Mom: I don’t.
Me: Well mom, yes you do.
Mom: Well someone has to feed him. He is always hungry. You should give him more of his food and then I wouldn’t have to give him mine.
Me: Ya mom, you are right. I will get on that right away.
Mom: So whats on the agenda for today?
Me: You have your ladies group at 1:00 and while you are there dad and I are going to go to Sue’s for a coffee.
Mom: Have I ever been there before?
Me: Sue’s house or your group?
Me: Yes you have. You have been to both on several ocassions. We used to go to Sue’s every Thursday after lunch to play BINGO.
Mom: I play BINGO? I don’t think so. I haven’t played BINGO in ages. Are you sure it was me that was there?
Me: Actually mom, you are right. It wasn’t you. It was your evil twin sister.
Mom: My sister? I don’t think so. I don’t have a sister so it must have been someone else who went with you.
Me: Ya mom, it must have been.
Mom: I like it when we play BINGO. I always manage to win at least one game.
This is test of the Emergency Broadcast System. In the case of a real emergency please stay tuned for more information…
OOPS sorry wrong warning…
Spelling and grammatical errors in the preceeding post occurred while the author was under the influence of heavy duty pain medication. We apologize for any inconvience caused by the laziness of the author and her refusal to edit the post. Additionally any complaints received will be immediately trashed.
We now return you to our regulary scheduled broadcast…
Tonight I was going to write about Day 4 and the girl in the fishnet stockings but I am going to delay that post for a day. Something hilarious happened today and since we can all use a laugh once in a while I am going to tell the story.
I haven’t written about BINGO and Bowling lately because there really hasn’t been anything earth shattering funny to talk about but that changed today.
We went bowling today – The Senior Bowling Brigade, Sue, Craig and I. We haven’t been for a while and it was time to get out and do something, and the bowling alley is air conditioned. A good place to spend an afternoon on a muggy, overcast, rainy day.
Everything was going great – we had 2 teams. Ivy, Grace and Mom were one team. Craig, Dad and I were the second team. Sue didn’t feel like bowling so she was our cheerleader today!
Our first game went by uneventfully. However, in the second game on one of Ivy’s turns to bowl, she gets up, throws the ball and knocks over two pins. We tell her she has another turn. She turns around and starts walking toward the pins. At that exact moment in time I was about to hurl the ball in my lane and I had to stop. Ivy was on her way down the lane to knock over the pins LOL. I started to laugh, turned around and looked at Sue who was also starting to laugh hysterically. That got me going too – I could barely bowl. She managed to get Ivy back and to pick up another ball but it was too late. I was laughing, Craig was laughing and Sue had tears rolling down her face.
But that wasn’t the kicker…
When you walk into the bowling alley you have to take off your shoes. There is a long carpet runner at the front door where everyone leaves their shoes. We were not the only ones in the alley today – there was a group of 5 other women who had come in just after us. We were leavingathe bowling alley and mom was complaining that her shoes weren’t fitting properly. I told her that I would fix them when we sat down for a coffee next door. We get our coffees and are sitting at the table – mom cannot get her shoes on. Well she has one on, but the right foot refuses to go into the show. We are all telling her that it is because she has sweat socks on in the middle of summer and she should be wearing lighter socks. Finally out of exasperation more than aanything I tell her to take the shoes off and put mine on. I will wear hers home. We switch shoes and I notice there are some pretty snazzy insoles in the shoes but as fast as I noticed it the thought was gone.
After coffee we went home, mom wearing my shoes and I hers. As I am getting out of the car I look down and realize that these are not mom’s shoes. They do look similar to moms but they are not hers!!! No wonder they didn’t fit her. I put my own shoes on and went rushing back to the bowling alley. As soon as I walked in the owner Gary says, Oh you got my message…Nope I hadn’t been home yet but I knew what he was calling about. LOL. Suffice to say that the remainder of my afternoon was spent tracking down the rightful owner of said shoes and delivering them to her door.
Later tonight at dinner Craig told me that he was glad he had been with us today because if he had not been and I had told him the story about the afternoon it still would have been funny but not nearly as much as seeing it for himself. The minute that we started talking about it both of us were in stitches.
Now, you may think we are cruel to be laughing at something that is clearly no fault of Ivy’s nor Mom’s. However, I have to say that when you live with and are a caregiver to anyone with any form of dementia you tend to see things in a different light and in this case we are dealing with Alzhiemer’s Disease. Mom, Dad and Ivy have all been diagnosed with the disease and sometimes you just have to laugh. In my case if I didn’t I would spend too much time crying and to be honest – life is too short for that. So, yes, we do tend to turn some “events” into more than they probably should be but, at the same time, it helps keep us sane in an otherwise insane situation. We are not laughing at the person per se, we are laughing at the situation.
My mother does some pretty strange things that I find to be very amusing. For instance, although she has a closet full of beautiful clothes she prefers to wear my fathers clothing. The t-shirts are not too bad however, when she is determined to wear his pants some funny things usually occur. Like, them falling down in the grocery store!!!! Yes, I know, not funny at the time but relating the story later to Sue had us both in tears.
Sometimes laughter truly is the best medicine!!!
I attend seminars conducted by the Alzhiemers Society on coping with and living with people who have dementia. Through these seminars I have not only met some really awesome people but I have also learned how to try and cope on a day to day basis with all the “quirks” of my loved ones. And somedays it is not easy, but I have learned one very important thing. If no one is getting hurt then it is not a big deal. And I try my damnedest to remember that. I don’t always score an “A” on that front but I do try and that is the main thing.
Sorry if you were counting on reading about the girl with fishnets (LOL Steve) but I thought we all needed a break from my vacation!
This is the Bowling Brigade: